COVID Blues

Most of us have no understanding or compassion towards how sensitive EVERYONE’S emotional states are after being locked down in houses gorging news, booze, and social media and it shows.

Let’s be aware that the majority of us, some more willing to admit than others, are dealing with some severe mental health degradation, phobias, addictions, and griefs not only as a result of this pandemic but just from being human in general. I think it’s time we slow down and give each other a mother fuckin’ break.

This broken foundation and state of fear and hurt that we are operating from is not conducive to progress and resolution when making choices, problem-solving, discoursing, and empathizing with one another. Yet, we continue to nitpick language over the intention, shame, cancel, end relationships, and draw lines in the sand to those that don’t mirror to our liking. You can get an innocent person to plead guilty to anything if you beat them hard and long enough but is that truth?

We are collectively becoming a species addicted to chaos, lacking patience, curiosity, listening skills, tolerance, and open hearts and I refuse to accept that.

Get Some Rest

Hands raised,⁣⁣
No fight left in this particular battle,⁣⁣
Because you hide beneath the surface.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
I’ve dulled knives digging,⁣⁣
Skinning myself like a rabbit,⁣⁣
Only to find flesh sensitive to wind and touch,⁣⁣
Still, you rear your vile head, ⁣⁣
Poisoning me and others.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
I shun, I beg, ⁣⁣
I curse and rip your rotten roots but it’s too late⁣⁣
and back you go into your secret hiding place.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
⁣⁣
I have to reconcile, ⁣⁣
This time, all strategies exhausted,⁣⁣
I invited you to the dinner.⁣⁣
I let you take over and take me,⁣⁣
Smashing plates,⁣⁣
Spitting food and flipping tables.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Hijacked and to the edge of breathless peace in death,⁣⁣
You bored as a tired child does, ⁣⁣
Curling into my loving arms as I whispered,⁣⁣
“Now get some rest you relentless fuck.”⁣⁣

Photo by Hamish Weir on Unsplash

Get In Get Out

I sharpened them just for you,
Cat clawing from the barrel only to reach the impenetrable layer.

Back to the bottom,
Hollow and damp,

Harvest light cracking through the seams and I can smell and feel the other side despite being contained.

I shaped the wind,
Wrapping it tightly around my oppressor,
I shook the earth with might,
I shattered the sound barrier with screams

And when the walls, rotted with tears and bloody claw marks finally crumbled,
The only person I recognized was myself.

Removed but close enough,
Heart tightening for what’s to come,
Making me question where we end and another begins,
This God, weaved like fabric into every inch.

This is how we learn the lessons of strangers,
And you are anything but, 
Because I see you,
In your wildflowers resembling spilled paint,
In the wind that rolls through with the right words,
In the light that touches each of these hills.

No need for traditional introductions,
It’s a pleasure,
Wishing you the most peaceful journey,
And I’ll keep seeing you.

Stay Still, Don’t Spill

Stay still, don’t spill,
How many hours of different ceilings I’ve stared I couldn’t say,
Body straight, you travel,
burning, reminding.

Don’t be upset,
Don’t get anxious,
Because like an ear to train tracks,
It listens, It scouts, they vibrate.
Like a conductor in symphony,
It points, it waves, they play.

My bittersweet reminders,
How many must I have?
Through pain and challenged vanity,
I SLOW,
I LET GO,
I STAY HERE,
Because you love it too much when I disappear.

Photo by Ana Carolina Boy on Unsplash

Let it Rest

I took you out and admired your “so-called” perfection,⁣⁣
Brand new, vibrant,⁣⁣
I was curious and excited about all the places we could go,⁣⁣
All the memories we could make, ⁣⁣
But everything new gets old,⁣⁣
And it’s the endurance, ⁣
The aged authenticity that makes us grow in our relationships with ourselves and others,⁣⁣
And while I aged with scars and love, ⁣⁣
You remained exactly the same.⁣⁣
That once full feeling I got by praising your youth had transformed to hollow, ⁣⁣
And I finally learned that some are meant to be admired behind their glass and that is all. ⁣

Please Stay

Light peeking through the curtains, ⁣
I smile with a sigh of relief.⁣
Today, I can see you,⁣
I even went to the roof to admire your rise.⁣
Making up for all the days your presence fails to penetrate my pit,⁣
Not today, I can see you sun,⁣
I mean really see you.⁣
Please, please stay.⁣

Soul Retrieval

Contemptuously conditioned to stuff extremely complicated subjects ⁣
into tiny boxes.⁣
Hoarding what’s ours and hissing at anyone who questions,⁣
No, threatens!⁣
I don’t believe that some are tougher than others.⁣
Sensitivity is the nature of our species,⁣
Some of us are just better liars,⁣
Cloaking ourselves in more acceptable emotions like ⁣
indifference, anger, annoyance.⁣
Because most of us have souls that fled somewhere in the early chaos,⁣
Leaving our hearts exposed to whatever change of wind life decides to blow.

Oaxaca, Mexico

Poker Face

“Are you stressed?” She folded her arms in concern.⁣
I shook my head, “I don’t think so.”⁣
We both looked down at my nails bitten and bloody and then back at each other,⁣
Silence.⁣
The creases of my mouth began to lift and ⁣
I smiled for the first time in days.⁣