Get Some Rest

Hands raised,⁣⁣
No fight left in this particular battle,⁣⁣
Because you hide beneath the surface.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
I’ve dulled knives digging,⁣⁣
Skinning myself like a rabbit,⁣⁣
Only to find flesh sensitive to wind and touch,⁣⁣
Still, you rear your vile head, ⁣⁣
Poisoning me and others.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
I shun, I beg, ⁣⁣
I curse and rip your rotten roots but it’s too late⁣⁣
and back you go into your secret hiding place.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
⁣⁣
I have to reconcile, ⁣⁣
This time, all strategies exhausted,⁣⁣
I invited you to the dinner.⁣⁣
I let you take over and take me,⁣⁣
Smashing plates,⁣⁣
Spitting food and flipping tables.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Hijacked and to the edge of breathless peace in death,⁣⁣
You bored as a tired child does, ⁣⁣
Curling into my loving arms as I whispered,⁣⁣
“Now get some rest you relentless fuck.”⁣⁣

Photo by Hamish Weir on Unsplash

Get In Get Out

I sharpened them just for you,
Cat clawing from the barrel only to reach the impenetrable layer.

Back to the bottom,
Hollow and damp,

Harvest light cracking through the seams and I can smell and feel the other side despite being contained.

I shaped the wind,
Wrapping it tightly around my oppressor,
I shook the earth with might,
I shattered the sound barrier with screams

And when the walls, rotted with tears and bloody claw marks finally crumbled,
The only person I recognized was myself.

Juneteenth 2020

Juneteenth.⁣
No more fucking around.⁣
It’s time for TOTAL LIBERATION of our Black brothers and sisters, including the Black LGBTQIA community.
It’s time to change what the American flag represents.⁣
There are layers to systematic oppression that affect some MUCH worse than others and to fight the supervillain of this experimental government, we must go ALL THE WAY back to our constitution.⁣
We must fight against all forms of oppression.⁣
We must recognize that no “political party” is going to save us.⁣
We must shake out every sheet.⁣
We must challenge our process of thought.⁣
We must use our endurance, love, and intelligence to fight for one another and to ensure that we never let another oppressed community go unheard.⁣
Suffering does not stop and start with each individual, ⁣
It travels, it jumps, it burrows, it resurfaces,⁣
We’re ALL connected and in this fight together.⁣
Where do you stand?⁣

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash


Removed but close enough,
Heart tightening for what’s to come,
Making me question where we end and another begins,
This God, weaved like fabric into every inch.

This is how we learn the lessons of strangers,
And you are anything but, 
Because I see you,
In your wildflowers resembling spilled paint,
In the wind that rolls through with the right words,
In the light that touches each of these hills.

No need for traditional introductions,
It’s a pleasure,
Wishing you the most peaceful journey,
And I’ll keep seeing you.

Stay Still, Don’t Spill

Stay still, don’t spill,
How many hours of different ceilings I’ve stared I couldn’t say,
Body straight, you travel,
burning, reminding.

Don’t be upset,
Don’t get anxious,
Because like an ear to train tracks,
It listens, It scouts, they vibrate.
Like a conductor in symphony,
It points, it waves, they play.

My bittersweet reminders,
How many must I have?
Through pain and challenged vanity,
I SLOW,
I LET GO,
I STAY HERE,
Because you love it too much when I disappear.

Photo by Ana Carolina Boy on Unsplash

Please Stay

Light peeking through the curtains, ⁣
I smile with a sigh of relief.⁣
Today, I can see you,⁣
I even went to the roof to admire your rise.⁣
Making up for all the days your presence fails to penetrate my pit,⁣
Not today, I can see you sun,⁣
I mean really see you.⁣
Please, please stay.⁣

Soul Retrieval

Contemptuously conditioned to stuff extremely complicated subjects ⁣
into tiny boxes.⁣
Hoarding what’s ours and hissing at anyone who questions,⁣
No, threatens!⁣
I don’t believe that some are tougher than others.⁣
Sensitivity is the nature of our species,⁣
Some of us are just better liars,⁣
Cloaking ourselves in more acceptable emotions like ⁣
indifference, anger, annoyance.⁣
Because most of us have souls that fled somewhere in the early chaos,⁣
Leaving our hearts exposed to whatever change of wind life decides to blow.

Oaxaca, Mexico

Poker Face

“Are you stressed?” She folded her arms in concern.⁣
I shook my head, “I don’t think so.”⁣
We both looked down at my nails bitten and bloody and then back at each other,⁣
Silence.⁣
The creases of my mouth began to lift and ⁣
I smiled for the first time in days.⁣

Dethaw

It’s true that the body keeps count,
And in this moment I was reminded.
I was taught that lesson of how deep it efforts to keep us safe from what we can’t bare.
And I suppose in this moment,
Alone in the middle of Thailand, 
While being massaged by a sweet stranger, 
It was time to face the void.
Silent and stiff, I watched the buried scenes of the seizure of me.
And just as the heart pumps blood out and through every vein,
I saw the poison of this event inject itself into my most innocent and hopeful powers.
This is dissociation.
What is time to healing? 
It simply doesn’t conform to our impossible standards.
Because trauma has the ability to bend time, jumping forwards and backwards.
I have to remind myself that there’s no limit to healing.
There’s no magical pill or retreat or shaman that can McFix the complexities of our pain.  
And the delays that seem long and overplayed are merely it’s premeditated punctuality.
I have to remind myself that this feeling,
this dethawing,
although at times uncomfortable,
is a hell of a lot better than the paralysis.