Oh I loved you from the first day we met. So well read, cynical, my type. I decided to take you up on a date once we were both eventually single.
We went to my neighborhood bar. It’s a fancy place, dark, nice cocktails, beautiful staff. You looked at me as though you wanted to eat me alive. I’d never seen that from you so I was a bit put off.
Being my neighborhood bar, I often sat there for hours and wrote and eventually became well acquainted with the bartenders and servers. One of them came over to say hello and check if we needed anything. You shifted your body right next to mine and put your arm around me as soon as he came over. You might as well just pulled down your pants and started pissing all over me.
“Hey Mel, how y’all doing over here?”
You interjected scowling, “I’m with her.”
The bartender laughed, “I see that…Ok well let me know if you need anything.”
I said sorry with my eyes and immediately threw your arm off of me.
“What the fuck was that?”
“What?”
“Why are you acting like an asshole right now? He came over to say hi and you treated my friend like shit for no reason other than your own insecure ideas of what this is.” I was confused by your actions being that I’d known you for years and never seen you behave this way.
“What do you mean?”
“Give me a fucking break you know what I mean. You have completely embarrassed me and I want to go home, I can walk.”
“I can drive you.”
“Fine.”
When we got to my house you sat at your wheel like an idiot. “Can I come in?”
“Fuck no, what makes you think I want you to come in after the way you acted tonight? I’ll see you at work.”
CONVERSATIONS WITH ASSHOLES 