It was the town I grew up in, small town called Comfort. Comfort. What a load of shit. There’s nothing here for me anymore. Purposefully forgotten friends, family moved and the only reason I’m back in this piece of shit, is to take care of an old speeding ticket. My plan was to show up, pay the outstanding bill and scurry back to the snug pocket of Austin, Texas.
Instead, as soon as I gave the unhappy women behind the desk my name, she smirked and asked me to sit down for a moment. Being the idiot that I am, I did.
Thirty seconds later two fat pigs opened the double doors and threw me on the ground. My chin smashed the concrete floor. Not entirely necessary I thought. My redneck ways have taken a hiatus since I moved. The day I left, I took a piss on the town football stars face while he was passed out drunk. I can’t even count how many girls I knew that woke up confused next to his repulsive ass. A fitting goodbye.
I was the moron who thought I could just pay off an outstanding ticket turned warrant. In Austin, they would have just happily taken the money. In Comfort, because the cops spend their days jerking off in their cars to high school girls, this was the most action they were gonna get for a while. Face still smashed on the floor, I ran my tongue across my front teeth and felt a piece crack off. I spit it from my mouth.
“My fucking tooth you pieces of shit. I’m a small woman, what the fuck are you thinking?”
“Ma’am don’t resist. We are just doing our jobs.”
I recognized that voice. I looked up at the one with his knee against my neck. Seth Miller.
“I guess having to live with the fact that I sucked your tiny dick when I wasn’t even close to legal, ain’t gonna get me outta this one is it Seth?”
He smirked and picked me up off the ground. “Ha, not unless your ready to get suckin’ again Mel.”
Blood was dripping off my chin. Seth and I were childhood friends. He was always in love with me. I completely ignored him after the drunken felacio. I guess he’s still pissed.
They took me to the back of their shitty jail where a real dike of a woman stripped me naked and checked my ass for drugs.
“You got anything good in there sweetheart?” Her voice was deep and rapey.
“Just my sweet pussy, which is obviously good enough for you Rambo.”
She kicked me from behind and my forehead cracked on the wall. Stars. A familiar feeling. My sharp tongue has always gotten me into trouble.
I gathered what memories I could. Just earlier I fed my dog, I swept my hallway. I picked up an organic green juice for my morning drive. I listened to Neil Young’s Harvest Moon. I stopped for gas and yelled at some construction workers for gawking…I felt warmth dripping down my face and when it hit my lip I tasted the blood. A seemingly normal start to my day and now this pile of shit.
“Wheres my fucking phone call dike?”
“Bend over for me one more time sugar and you’ll get your phone call.”
I’ve played this game before…many times. I slowly stood up, wiped my bloody hair out of my face, smiled, spread my legs and touched the floor.
She smacked my ass. “I‘m actually married….to a beast of a man honey and I looove dick.”
I laughed wiping the blood on my already soaked t-shirt. “Touche!”
Just because I live in the city doesn’t mean that my small town discriminations don’t blow up in my face at times. That’s healthy, I thought. She handed me the phone and I dialed my work.
“Is Jamie around? Yea I need to talk to her…Hey Jamie, I‘m not going to make the meeting. I‘m actually in jail in my piece of shit hometown. Yea I know. I came to pay a ticket and it’s a warrant. Hey, have we figured out if our insurance plan is going to cover dental? I got a situation going on over here. Some fat fucking pigs chipped my tooth. Yea, thats right you, you fat fucking pig I‘m talking about you. Okay girly yea I‘ll let you know. See you soon.”
I sat in jail for the weekend. Seth came for a visit.
“I‘m sorry Mel I didn’t realize it was you.”
“It’s cool Seth, sorry for ignoring you after that whole dick sucking situation.”
“It’s okay I was a pathetic boy. I understand why you did.”
“Well I can see your not pathetic anymore tackling a tiny woman over a speeding ticket and all.” I smiled sarcastically as wide as I could.
“You still look pretty with a chipped tooth.”
“Thank you Seth. Stop being such a dick though man, you used to be a sweet kid.”
He looked at the ground. “Yea I know I get it. I’ve learned my lesson…And you know I can help with the dental expenses if you—”
I interrupted, “Shut the fuck up. I know damn well what your salary looks like. I‘ll take care of it.”
He smiled. “Hows your mom?”
“Oh you know still pathetically chasing after married men, the usual. Your dad?”
“Still dying of liver failure. The usual.”
I had almost forgot that I was still in jail. “Hey when the fuck am I getting out of here?”
“Oh, actually last night you were free to go. I just wanted to make sure and see you before you disappeared for another 10 years.”
“You savage. Somethings never change.”
“Hey if it takes throwing you in jail to see your beautiful face and talk to you, you know I‘ll take it. That hasn’t changed.” He handed me my chipped tooth.
I went back to work that week with a broken tooth and a busted head and chin.
Seth died in a drunk driving accident about a month later.
I didn’t go to the funeral.