Social Media Break

Taking a break from social media. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and finally decided it was the right thing to do. I’ve taken small breaks here and there over the years but had convinced myself that I NEEDED it to further my writing career and stay up to date with friends and social/political causes. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to take some adjusting. As much as I love connecting with others from afar especially during these times, I was starting to notice how much more addictive it was becoming. I caught myself scrolling on Instagram one day while I wasn’t even looking at my phone, just my finger moving. It was fucking weird. After watching The Social Dilemma it reaffirmed my suspicions and made it clear that I need to put this HUGELY TIME-CONSUMING part of my life on pause. I don’t want to participate in any type of technology that can predict and control my emotions and actions. Fuck no.

Being an Empath also makes the social media experience extremely intense for me most times. It makes me irritable. I get submerged into everything and everyone and I have a hard time deciphering my own feelings. Watching friends post material opposite of what I know is going on internally got me feeling particularly turned off by the platforms. It’s too damn distracting and confusing for self-identity and self-assurance. The whole pretending to be someone you aren’t or that you wish you were for the likes of others can’t be healthy. Having our online identity be the main source of our dopamine rushes throughout the day is, of course, a major setup for disappointment, insecurity, addiction, and depression.

So much of what I see on social media is thriving off emotional triggers of an already emotionally exhausted and traumatized people and I just can’t get down with that. I can’t get down with watching people I know become more and more cynical and divided because they think their truth is more superior. Who the fuck are we to be battling others on something they have to discover themselves? Unfortunately, many people only care about social justice and human rights when it becomes personal to them. You can only do so much, people have to be curious, they have to WANT to change their views. The truth is, everyone is living in what they believe to be true to themselves, even if it seems crazy to someone else, it’s still true for them. It’s also worth mentioning that most people’s views have become radicalized by the way social media’s algorithms work anyway so it’s not as black and white as it seems when it comes to good vs evil, mask vs no mask, democrat vs republican.

If feels as though social media is slowly turning us into inflexible, intolerable, and impatient people. Where’s the room for growth in that? Exploring, accepting other views, ways, cultures is what’s supposed to make this experience more successful, colorful, and exciting. I refuse to put myself up against others any longer in this setting and I refuse to passively ingest this mess with very little outlets of real action. I figured it’s better to take it the fuck down a notch and center myself on what’s in front me. My community, my healing, my writing, my relationships, my empath writing workshops and retreats, too much to even state. I have to remember that what I bring to this life, my influence, my type of magic, is not meant to be wasted on social media. It’s also important to remember we can still be social and political activists and participants without having our every move be tracked, stored, manipulated, and controlled through an app.

So how many sunrises and sunsets have you missed while staring at your phone?

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I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on your relationship with social media.

Sunset in Oaxaca City

Get In Get Out

I sharpened them just for you,
Cat clawing from the barrel only to reach the impenetrable layer.

Back to the bottom,
Hollow and damp,

Harvest light cracking through the seams and I can smell and feel the other side despite being contained.

I shaped the wind,
Wrapping it tightly around my oppressor,
I shook the earth with might,
I shattered the sound barrier with screams

And when the walls, rotted with tears and bloody claw marks finally crumbled,
The only person I recognized was myself.

Probity

I see you,
Your probity beaming bright on my lack thereof.
Slapping the lies I’ve ingested and built as my own.
I’ve temporarily pleased off the pain of others,
Only to be left starving and alone.
Don’t be distracted by those who mistake your presence for impairment,
Because we need you and I see you.
And although at my most weak moments I continue to mistreat and misjudge the traces of your decency,
I needn’t feed the same poison to others simply because it was fed to me.

Dethaw

It’s true that the body keeps count,
And in this moment I was reminded.
I was taught that lesson of how deep it efforts to keep us safe from what we can’t bare.
And I suppose in this moment,
Alone in the middle of Thailand, 
While being massaged by a sweet stranger, 
It was time to face the void.
Silent and stiff, I watched the buried scenes of the seizure of me.
And just as the heart pumps blood out and through every vein,
I saw the poison of this event inject itself into my most innocent and hopeful powers.
This is dissociation.
What is time to healing? 
It simply doesn’t conform to our impossible standards.
Because trauma has the ability to bend time, jumping forwards and backwards.
I have to remind myself that there’s no limit to healing.
There’s no magical pill or retreat or shaman that can McFix the complexities of our pain.  
And the delays that seem long and overplayed are merely it’s premeditated punctuality.
I have to remind myself that this feeling,
this dethawing,
although at times uncomfortable,
is a hell of a lot better than the paralysis. 

Depression, The Truth

Thoughts lag coming to an abrupt halt, heavy and hollow,
Eyes paralyzed staring at something,
Seeing nothing.
Air releases entirely from the lungs,
Taking a light head to remind me to breathe.
Body numbing, Stomach falling,
and cheeks flushed to the ghost that has just reappeared.

Snap out of it,
Stay positive.
An idea, a mistaken belief,
That this springs from nurturing negative thoughts,
That we allow ourselves to feel so much that we’re swallowed whole by the dark.

What they don’t know is that this dark,
is not dark at all,
It’s being paralyzed in the in-between,
Kidnapped in broad daylight.

What they don’t know is that it dances in ruthlessly at times when it’s least invited,
A needle slowly deflating even the most optimistic, colorful of the bunch.

The truth is,
depression,
is feeling absolutely nothing.

Can you think of anything more terrifying than feeling nothing?

It’s a suffocation that tricks you into believing you will be stuck feeling nothing forever,
That is until it finally releases its grip.

Like most things,
it comes in waves,
subtle or strong,
and in order to survive,
we have to remember to hold on tight while the worst of it passes.

Whimsy

What a beautiful line you balance.
Taking in the world with grace,
Gaining so much wisdom from being quiet, observant, stoic,
Only to turn around and flip all that is stiff and serious, 
a jungle gym for your pleasure.
Living between both worlds,
Never hardening, only receiving.
Softening at the perfect moments and finding room in the heaviest.

Art by Teresa Moralez

Valor

You told me fear was necessary,
That you loved your fear,
That you respected your fear.

That it brings the most clever out of you,
Heightens every sense,
Reveals your resilience under pressure.

Teaches you how to best navigate a difficult situation.

I sat in admiration,
Thinking about how much stronger the world would be with more of you in it.