I’m Tired of this Body

I’m tired of this body.

The stiffness and pain in my muscles. The hair loss. Having no energy.

How long it takes me to fight a common fucking cold. How inaccessible alternative healthcare is. How ill-equipped modern healthcare is when it comes to whole body health.

I am tired of having this interfere with my productivity, to have to explain, to cancel, to watch the world go by from a bed.

I’m tired of feeling alone, of the questions, of seeing the confusion in people’s eyes, of not having answers, of feeling like no one understands what it’s like to be in my body. What it’s been like to be in this body since I was a kid.

I’m tired of blaming myself. Telling myself that I’ve done something wrong, I took the wrong supplements, I haven’t done enough, I’ve done too much, I’ve focused too much on it, I’ve not focused enough.

I’m tired of paying, of praying, of laying.

I’m tired of this body.