Tarot Bully

It was New Year’s Eve.

“Mom, just pick a card!”

She looked terrified.

“It’s just tarot, you can make whatever you want of it.”

She looked away from me, nose high, “I don’t want to, it’s just not my thing.”

“Well it’s kinda my thing. Don’t you want to step out of your box for a moment and try something different?”

“Mel, I don’t know why you stopped coming to mass, you know you can be forgiven.”

I sighed, ” I don’t need to be forgiven.”

“I’m just saying with all the men and the drinking, it’s not healthy for a girl your age. You should be finding a good husband, planning children. You don’t have as much time as you might think.”

“What about me screams husband and children? Besides, I’m a lesbian!”

Her mouth dropped, “Are you a lesbian?”

“Mom, no, I’m not! But what if I was? You could have really offended me.  That was fucked up how far your mouth just hit the floor.”

She relaxed a bit in her seat, “You know I would love you no matter what, right?”

“I know. Now just pick a damn card.”

“I told you I don’t like to play with this dark stuff.”

“It’s not dark. You do realize there are different forms and avenues for spirituality don’t you? Now, you spent my whole life shoving yours down my throat. It’s time for you to take a crack at mine.”

She hesitated and pulled a card. The devil. God damnit of course. The absolute worst card a god fearing woman could pull. She gasped and I began laughing hysterically. I couldn’t help it.

“I told you I didn’t want to pick a card Mel! Why did you have to push me so hard? This does not align with my faith!”

She stormed out and I still couldn’t stop laughing as I reached my hand for hers.

“Mom, you really think your god is that petty? Let me explain the card!”

The bedroom door slammed and I heard a muffled, “Fuck off!”

“Well that certainly didn’t go as I planned,” I mumbled to myself while pouring us two glasses of wine. Still giggling, I sheepishly snuck into her room.

She accepted the wine and we both shared a good laugh. Nothing more satisfying than hearing your mom awkwardly say “fuck.”

Scotch

My head pounded from the scotch when he called me at dawn.

I wished it were one of those mornings that I woke still drunk, thinking I’d fooled the booze.

Not today.

“I’ve fallen in love with someone,” his voice was deep and stern.

As if this hangover couldn’t get worse.

I thought about rather than hearing him say anything about love, especially when it didn’t include me, I’d rather feel his humming between my legs.

That might really cure this slicing pain in my brain.

There’s almost nothing a little head can’t fix when a man eats pussy like a lesbian.

I moaned to the thought.

“Come over and get in my bed,” I responded.

After all, it was my last chance of swaying this lover from making the biggest mistake of his life; never getting to sleep with me again.

He took a deep breath, “I just told you, I’m in love.”

“Yes and I just told you to come over and get in my fucking bed.”

He hung up the phone and I knew he was on his way.

I didn’t even get up to wash the scotch seeping through my pores.

I wanted him to ingest my exact state.

He always did love the most disgusting parts of me.

When he arrived, I sat up on my knees and began to undress him touching my mouth to every part I exposed to air.

I inhaled, he smiled.

He grabbed my knees and flipped me over while running his hand up my back and tongue down my ass.

I’ve never been the emotional type during sex, but thinking about this particular tongue belonging to another woman made my eyes burn.

After all, it had been three years of being blessed with his mouth when mine wasn’t on someone else’s.

The others never compared.

He lifted his head from between my legs, “I’m getting married.”

I leaned over the side of my bed and threw up.  He wiped the vile from my cheek and I smiled, “She’s a lucky woman.”

“She’s no you.” He smirked and continued until I orgasmed.

 

 

Lover Fuck Off

Oh I loved you from the first day we met. So well read, cynical, my type.  I decided to take you up on a date once we were both eventually single.

We went to my neighborhood bar.  It’s a fancy place, dark, nice cocktails, beautiful staff.  You looked at me as though you wanted to eat me alive.  I had never seen that from you so I was a bit put off.

Being my neighborhood bar, I often sat there for hours and wrote and eventually became well acquainted with the bartenders and servers.  One of them came over to say hello and check if we needed anything.  You shifted your body right next to mine and put your arm around me as soon as he came over.  You might as well just pulled down your pants and started pissing all over me.

“Hey Mel, how y’all doing over here?”

You interjected scowling, “I am with her.”

The bartender laughed, “I see that…Ok well let me know if you need anything.”

I said sorry with my eyes and immediately threw your arm off of me.

“What the fuck was that?”

“What?”

“Why are you acting like an asshole right now? He came over to say hi and you treated my friend like shit for no reason other than your own insecure ideas of what this is.” I was confused by your actions being that I have known you for years and never seen you behave this way.

“What do you mean?”

“Give me a fucking break you know what I mean.  You have completely embarrassed me and I want to go home, I can walk.”

“I can drive you.”

“Fine.”

When we got to my house you sat at your wheel like an idiot. “Can I come in?”

“Fuck no, what makes you think I want you to come in after the way you acted tonight?  I’ll see you at work.”